Oh please let's just get this wedding overwith! (Wedding part III)

"Dearly beloved, living and undead, good and evil, fleet of foot and ponderous of gait, bright beacons of intellect and slow of wit, we are gathered together today to celebrate the union of Dragonfly Stargazer, Fury, and Lemonsalot Chivalrous, Paladin, in the sacred bond of holy matrimony.

Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their pea-"

At that unfortunate moment, the chapel doors open and Redak, an underwear clad ^^^ lvl 44 troll ghost, spawns at the alter. He zeros in on the closest guest and attacks. There's a clatter of bones and the chapel's usual undead occupants respawn. Once again, the level 11 bard hits the floor with barely a whimper, and mayhem erupts as guests leap from their chairs to beat down the mobs. A group of disgruntled adventurers stand in the doorway and a Barbarian Guardian gripes "We needed that troll..."

Skullcrusher stalks up the aisle in flames, and towers over the Guardian. "Wedding here! You go now!" He shakes his fist menacingly in the Barbarian's face. The Barbarian has the good sense to take a step back.

Elsbeth glides up behind Skullcrusher and smiles warmly at the Barbarian; she pats his shoulder. "My sincerest apologies, brave adventurer, we are attempting to conduct a wedding here and it is unfortunate our timing crosses paths. Would you so much mind coming back later?" She slips a plat into his hand. "For you and your friends..." The Barbarian is straining to keep an eye on her navel from 2 feet above her head. Leif glowers in the background.

"No, I don't mind." the Barbarian growls, and rounds up his disgruntled party to leave. Skullcrusher follows them to the doorway, shuts it behind them with a bang and stands in front of it, his massive frame blocking the entire door. Paradigm winks at him from her place behind Dragonfly, and the Ogre gets a slightly greenish glow that could be a blush. She strokes her beard, smiles and winks again, and he goes positively chatreuse.

"Where we was?" barks Skullcrusher, and the Dirge giggles from somewhere off to the side.

"Ahem... yes..." Holee flips forward a few pages and continues. "Who is it that brings this woman to this man?"

Leif casts snare on Dragonfly and smiles warmly into her eyes, and Elsbeth takes her other arm. "Her father and I do." She says.

"Lemonsalot and Dragonfly, a marriage ceremony represents one of Norrath's greatest commitments. The couple has written their own vows to confirm their intent to bond with eachother from hereafter. May we have the rings?"

Timtam strains to reach the erudite on his perch, gives up and finally jumps on the alter. With an apologetic shrug, he drops the ring into Holee's hand and drops back down, disappearing in the midst of armor and robes and a sea of kneecaps.

Gabriella swirls a hand and plucks the ring out of a cloud of smoke in the air, dropping it into the templar's hand. Holee looks her up and down and smiles approvingly. He hands the ring to Lemonsalot and clears his throat.

"Go ahead, my son."
Leif rolls his eyes at the Erudite's backside.

Lemonsalot gazes into Dragonfly's eyes and with a deep blush, says..
"I, Lemonsalot, do join thee Dragonfly in the sacred union of marriage. To duo with you, my love, is my greatest joy, and I will protect you and keep you safe, as you heal me and keep me buffed. With you, I shall quest and adventure...with no one else, will I give trustee status on my home... for you, I shall take aggro and die so that you may escape to return and ressurect me. I will be by your side at all times, and in long hours of tedious shard retrieval. I will shield you from harm, and guide you through dungeons. Should you die, I will ressurect you. Should we be nerfed to the point of uselessness, I will stay by your side. With you, my love, I vow to share my life in Norrath until Everquest III should be released, may it not arrive for many long years. Please take this ring as a symbol of my love and service to you."

He slips the ring on Dragonfly's finger, while Elsbeth and Mary dab at their eyes in the background.

Holee hands Dragonfly the ring and she takes Lemonsalot's hand in her own and gazes up at him through teary eyes.

"ugh, I said I wouldn't cry!" she laughs, and wipes her eyes. Elsbeth looks on approvingly, noting the waterproof khol eyeliner she had Dragonfly wear is not smearing. Mary thinks "I must go to Freeport, their makeup is such good quality."

"Lemonsalot, my love, you are my beacon of light in a dark and dreary world. I could ask for nothing more than to cement our partnership, for only you remember to let me buff you before pulling...and only you can keep aggro off of me when I accidentally nuke before you finish taunting... you are my protector and most importantly, my friend. You protect me when I run into mobs, and res me when I fall off cliffs. For you, my love, I will cloak you in my Untamed Shroud so that we may avoid unnessecary battles on those long trips to visit Nagafen. I will surround you in fae flames and imbue you with bloodlust, so that you may do more damage and become even stronger in battle. I will ...wait no I can't feed you, I'm too low a provisioner now...but I will buff you that you may regen power faster out of battle. I will decline on all lottos with fighter gear, and save adept 1s for you. I will take debt, and armor repairs, and die happily, for I will always know you did your best to protect me, even if you forgot to taunt. I cannot wait to share my life with you, until Everquest III may be released."

With tears in her eyes, she slips the ring on Lemonsalot's finger, and in the back of his mind he's thinking "I forgot to taunt...when did I forget to taunt?"

Holee clears his throat again.

"Lemonsalot and Dragonfly, I ask that you both remember to treat each other with respect and remind yourself often what brought you together today. Forgive each other, when you make mistakes, as you will inevitably do...why I remember when Lemonsalot broke invis in Solsek's Eye one night picking up a ?...and the time Dragonfly cast her Seizing Brambles in the middle of a crowded area and pulled eight surrounding non-ag mobs on Lemonsalot mid fight..."

Both bride and groom glare at him.

"Things will go wrong, on your adventures, and you'll know that one of you is to blame for the mistake, and you will want to point it out... I implore you, do not. Be gentle with each other in your partnership, that you may not begin to resent each other, and reduce yourself to snideness and sarcasm. Be forgiving, and adventureous, and take your debt and troubles in stride, as while your union is sacred,the game is a game. You are each responsible for making your experiance of it better... be vigilant in your tending of the flames of your union. I bless you in the names of the gods of Norrath, and set you free on your adventures as husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Lemonsalot and Dragonfly, clearly waiting for this part of the ceremony, fall upon each other voraciously while the guests look on. Even Leif raises his eyebrows and his look to Elsbeth says "I thought Paladins were chaste?" Without breaking her smile, she subtly shrugs and directs her gaze at Mary and Thomas, who are sitting stiffly in their seats. Written all over Mary's face is the fervant desire her son had married a respectable Templar instead of a Fury. Thomas looks somewhat wistful. Holee clears his throat loudly and the happy couple break it up to grin sheepishly at each other.

"If all those over level 21 will join us for the reception at The Fool's Gold in Rivervale..."

At this moment, a person in white robes walks right through the door and Skullcrusher. The parents of the happy couple, as well as the couple themselves and the entire wedding party, groan to see GM Solquetious.

"Greetings Norrathians, this is GM Solquetious. Is there anything more I can do for you today?"
"Haven't you met your quota of nothing for the day?" Thomas mutters. Elsbeth, hearing him, quirks a brow and smirks.
"Have your needs been met?" GM Solquetious asks.
"Nod and smile, dears" murmers Elsbeth, and like a flock of bobblehead dolls, the entire wedding party nods in unison. "Yes thank you, you have been too kind."
"Good! Thank you for playing Everquest II. Safe travels to you. My wedding planner fee is 39 platinum, and has been withdrawn from your account." He bows and disappears while the party gapes at each other in shock.
"We just paid him 39 plat the other night..."
"Surely he didn't mean another 39..."
Elsbeth checks her bank macro and sighs. "Yes, it appears he did. I'll petition it later, let's get to the celebration."



Epilogue (haha)
The reception goes off without a hitch, though there is an incident later with a couple members of the party stumbling across some corrupted halflings after a few too many beers, and the barbarians suggestion to skinnydip in Everfrost after the party went poorly when they found formerly gray sharks were now green and aggressive.

Skullcrusher and Paradigm had a brief fling only to part ways months later when he was caught philandering with a troll in Freeport. They have one Ogre/Dwarf Berserker son that lives with his father in Freeport.
Gabriella and Holee were found in all their blue glory behind the bar somewhere around 3 in the morning. His reactives were going off like mad with her fireseed. They've been together ever since.
Fancy and Welf paired off, but eventually ran into a problem with mistimed humor, as she would play dead at precisely the wrong moment and Welf in turn would roll into his evac button during simularily crucial moments, totally destroying her zen.
Timtam ended up dating the bartender, a tall fashionable high elf lad.
Mary and Thomas went back to their staid home in South Qeynos and lived happily (and mundanely) ever after.
Elsbeth and Leif went back to Freeport and Qeynos respectively, both of them prefering the excitement of sneaking past guards to a quiet home together in the suburbs of either city. She wears the black dress often, but only for Leif now.
Dragonfly and Lemonsalot moved to Maj Dul and joined the Court of the Blades, which turns out all their friends did not join, and thereby no one could visit them in their new home (which she claimed looked like a showerstall anyway).
Rainbow and Tameron married and had very tall white haired 1/2 gnome children. Tameron's comm0n complaint was being unable to find the little rascals when they were in trouble, and bumping his head on Baubleshire doorways.

The (real) end.