Gooooin to the chapel and ...ummm...check the map...This place is in ruins... (wedding, part I)
Ugh, tried to post it so it would be in order (aka, backwards compared to usual blogger order...) and farked it up.
Anyway:
A while back, Ple got herself married off to some Paladin who turned around and buggered off for WoW (*gasp* *hiss*)... she'd taken on his goony last name, and ended up with no hubby to compensate! Oh the humanity... so bless you, Patch 13, for allowing us to change our last names!
But then... I've been thinking... a couple of my characters are somewhat married off (no not Nini!), but there was no ceremony! No pomp! No...circumstance! Seton went straight from working on her subordination skill to carting the kids to school (ogres don't subordinate well, apparantly).
So it made me think...how would an EQ wedding go? Do they write their own vows? Do they get married in a church (and...what religion? I suppose it varies by race)...
So, here's my take on an EQ wedding (which was supposed to be a couple paragraphs long, but ended up sort of...growing)... our cast:
The Bride: Dragonfly Stargazer - Half Elf Fury
The Groom: Lemonsalot Chivalrous - Human Paladin
The Officiant: Holee Healer - Erudite Templar/Sage
Best Man: Skullcrusher Whackthump - Ogre Beserker
Maid of Honor: Rainbow Bridget - Gnome Alchemist (Troubadour)
Mother of the Bride: Elsbeth Stargazer - Human Shadowknight (married to...)
Father of the Bride: Leif Stargazer - (oversexed) Wood Elf Swashbuckler
Mother of the Groom: Mary Chivalrous - Human Templar
Father of the Groom: Thomas Chivalrous - Human Paladin
Attendants-
Bride's:
Fancy Flight - Wood Elf Monk
Paradigm Shift - Dwarf Swashbuckler w/a lovely beard
Gabriella Susserus - Erudite Wizard
Groom's:
Welf Wineguzzler - Barbarian Ranger
Tameron Trainpuller - High Elf Guardian
Timtamtinker Tinkertuckerton - Gnome Assassin
Wedding Planner:
GM Solquetious - we have no idea what race he is, but it's not of Norrath.
We open to the rehersal dinner, held, after much negotiation, at The Fool's Gold in Rivervale.
Welf is, as usual, shaking his mug upside down at the bar, while Fancy admires his broad, chainmail clad backside owlishly through her wineglass. The parents of the happy couple are sitting across from each other...Mary and Leif are in deeply animated conversation while Elsbeth and Thomas stare each other down over their untouched jum jum glazed venisen shanks. Elsbeth's finger lingers over Deadly Embrace and she raises an eyebrow. Thomas secretely considers calling for help, but doesn't want to embarass the wife.
The couple of the evening sits by GM Solquetious, looking somewhat like deer in the face of Tish Ticker's Lantern of the Sun.
"Greetings couple, this is GM Solquetious, I am here to plan your wedding this evening."
"I don't know why you had to insist on the Temple of War..." Lemonsalot complains.
"We're already done planning the wedding." Dragonfly snaps. "We hired you 6 weeks ago!"
She turns on Lemonsalot. "Dismal Rage is my faction, Lemon, I have a red dress...the windows are red, therefore, the light flowing through them is red. I like red. Is that so hard to understand? They're catering the reception for free, anyway"
"Only for Freeportians"
"So? Qeynosians are so perfect they live on their own sweet goodness...why do I need to feed them, too?"
"Don't start."
"Fine."
"Greetings couple, this is GM Solquetious. My fee for planning your wedding is 29 platinum."
"You're too late, we planned the wedding. How on earth can you show up 6 weeks after the request and expect to get paid."
"If you check our forums and the FAQ, you will see we're very busy and cannot always answer requests immediately. My fee will be deducted from your bank account at the end of this session."
"What? Fee for WHAT? The wedding is tomorrow, you have helped us plan nothing!"
"Greetings couple, this is GM Farquard responding in reply to your petition. What seems to be the problem?"
"We petitioned for a wedding planner six weeks ago, this guy shows up and wants to charge us 29 plat for doing nothing?"
"I'm sorry, that is the GM Wedding Planner fee, it should have been deducted from your account."
"No we're saying it *shouldn't* be deducted from our account...he didn't do anything?"
"Ah, I'm sorry happy couple, the problem has been corrected and the 39 platinum fee has been deducted from your account."
"Thirty Nine!??"
*ticket closed*
"Motherrrrrr!!"
Elsbeth glances over, never lifting her finger from it's spot over Deadly Embrace.
"I'm sorry honey, I tried to advise you against hiring a GM as a wedding planner, but you just don't listen. I've told you that both the Qeynos AND the Freeport Business Associations report that the service is at best unreliable and overpriced. Didn't you remember me telling you last year about Bettony and Sassonic Tramsprocket? They ended up with Burst Eyeball Soup for an appetizer and a Troll officiant for their wedding. They're Gnomes for Lucan's sakes... I'd like you to imagine a room full of Gnomes presented with 7' tall Troll preacher and floating black eyeballs in red soup. It was absolute mayhem... those numbskulls charged them 10 plat just for the dinner, even though no one ate a bite and half the guests were sick on the spot."
"She has a point.." remarks Lemonsalot, unwisely. Dragonfly pivots on the spot to fix him with an icy stare. Tameron, sitting behind the groom, quickly gulps the last of his wine and heads for the bar. "Well I was just saying.."
"Well don't."
"I think I've been patient, you know" he continues. "Keep in mind that you have my side of the family creeping through the sewers just to attend our wedding."
"Not just *yours,* Daddy will have to go too, along with Fancy, Rainbow and Paradigm..."
Rainbow breezes by and reaches to place a beverage in front of Dragonfly. "Anything for you, love" she says and winks at Lemon. Making as though she's to continue on, she turns behind Dragon's back and pantomimes pouring something into a drink, rolls her eyes dramatically and heads off towards Timtam, who is sitting on the bar loudly discussing his battle with Chomper, fought from the inside of the fish. Moments later, the Assassin is charmed and following her outside.
"Listen, what about Stormhold? There's a chapel there, no one will have to sneak to it, ok it's not "red" but we can get a few of Tish's lanterns and fix that..."
"Food?"
"Surely we know a provisioner..."
"It'd have to get carted out there..."
"We know more woodworkers and they're all trying to level, how about we just do some totems instead... wedding favor plus health and power at the same time..."
Dragonfly's eyes light up, she rubs Lemon's foot under the table. "Well, they take up a lot of room in the bags, but they are much better...and Skullcrusher can carry quite a bit. You're so smart honey, where'd you get all that intelligence?"
"A ring and this godforsaken fabled armor...why do they put INT stats on it whe-" He changes tracks quickly. "Well really, it must be your buffs, honey..."
"Oh sweetie"
She crawls into his lap and proceeds to nibble at his ears, much to his discomfiture and the amusement of the wedding party. "You know, there's a reason I'm wearing red... "
He turns red.
"... let's go back to your place and um, do some more planning."
They exit out the side door admist snickers and cheers from the people at the bar. Elsbeth switches her icy stare back on, and directs it at Leif, who is boozy with the elven wine and twirling a lock of Mary's hair on the end of his finger. He offers to show her his tattoos. Thomas exchanges a helpless look with Elsbeth that clearly says "Do something, I can only rez..." and she whacks Deadly Embrace. Leif howls and falls out of his chair in flames, Elsbeth steps over his body to give Mary a warm hug and kiss on both cheeks. "Sorry about that, my dear. We'll be going now... it was so nice to see you again. Look forward to tomorrow... the kids have switched it to the chapel at Stormhold...let everyone know. Such a gloomy place. I'd personally suggested Icespire Summit, but some of our guests have faction problems and of course, there's the sharks on the way there... you were wearing the silver gown, yes? Alright, I'll wear my black satin. Safe travels to you."
By this time, Leif is dusting himself off with one hand and sheepishly shaking Thomas's hand with the other. "Sorry chap, she looks so much like Elsbeth, you know, I just got a bit muddly there..." He turns to Elsbeth "Do I have time for one for the road or am I evac'ing us?"
She looks at him and smiles.
"Ah, evac'ing, ok... good night!"
And, poof! They're gone.
Mary and Thomas stay behind to tidy the place up. Off in a corner, Skullcrusher struggles to sit in two chairs set together and Paradigm is offering to let him touch her beard, Rainbow has put on her high elf disguise and has Tameron debuffed and cornered ("Let me show you why they call it Aria of Exaltation..."). Gabriella is showing the bartender how to ignite a row of shots on the bar for dramatic presentation, only, she occasionally loses focus and a bottle behind the bar bursts in a cloud of steam. Fancy and Welf are no where to be found and Timtam is passed out near the jumjum keg. It is looking to be an early morning, and a rough day tomorrow.
Anyway:
A while back, Ple got herself married off to some Paladin who turned around and buggered off for WoW (*gasp* *hiss*)... she'd taken on his goony last name, and ended up with no hubby to compensate! Oh the humanity... so bless you, Patch 13, for allowing us to change our last names!
But then... I've been thinking... a couple of my characters are somewhat married off (no not Nini!), but there was no ceremony! No pomp! No...circumstance! Seton went straight from working on her subordination skill to carting the kids to school (ogres don't subordinate well, apparantly).
So it made me think...how would an EQ wedding go? Do they write their own vows? Do they get married in a church (and...what religion? I suppose it varies by race)...
So, here's my take on an EQ wedding (which was supposed to be a couple paragraphs long, but ended up sort of...growing)... our cast:
The Bride: Dragonfly Stargazer - Half Elf Fury
The Groom: Lemonsalot Chivalrous - Human Paladin
The Officiant: Holee Healer - Erudite Templar/Sage
Best Man: Skullcrusher Whackthump - Ogre Beserker
Maid of Honor: Rainbow Bridget - Gnome Alchemist (Troubadour)
Mother of the Bride: Elsbeth Stargazer - Human Shadowknight (married to...)
Father of the Bride: Leif Stargazer - (oversexed) Wood Elf Swashbuckler
Mother of the Groom: Mary Chivalrous - Human Templar
Father of the Groom: Thomas Chivalrous - Human Paladin
Attendants-
Bride's:
Fancy Flight - Wood Elf Monk
Paradigm Shift - Dwarf Swashbuckler w/a lovely beard
Gabriella Susserus - Erudite Wizard
Groom's:
Welf Wineguzzler - Barbarian Ranger
Tameron Trainpuller - High Elf Guardian
Timtamtinker Tinkertuckerton - Gnome Assassin
Wedding Planner:
GM Solquetious - we have no idea what race he is, but it's not of Norrath.
We open to the rehersal dinner, held, after much negotiation, at The Fool's Gold in Rivervale.
Welf is, as usual, shaking his mug upside down at the bar, while Fancy admires his broad, chainmail clad backside owlishly through her wineglass. The parents of the happy couple are sitting across from each other...Mary and Leif are in deeply animated conversation while Elsbeth and Thomas stare each other down over their untouched jum jum glazed venisen shanks. Elsbeth's finger lingers over Deadly Embrace and she raises an eyebrow. Thomas secretely considers calling for help, but doesn't want to embarass the wife.
The couple of the evening sits by GM Solquetious, looking somewhat like deer in the face of Tish Ticker's Lantern of the Sun.
"Greetings couple, this is GM Solquetious, I am here to plan your wedding this evening."
"I don't know why you had to insist on the Temple of War..." Lemonsalot complains.
"We're already done planning the wedding." Dragonfly snaps. "We hired you 6 weeks ago!"
She turns on Lemonsalot. "Dismal Rage is my faction, Lemon, I have a red dress...the windows are red, therefore, the light flowing through them is red. I like red. Is that so hard to understand? They're catering the reception for free, anyway"
"Only for Freeportians"
"So? Qeynosians are so perfect they live on their own sweet goodness...why do I need to feed them, too?"
"Don't start."
"Fine."
"Greetings couple, this is GM Solquetious. My fee for planning your wedding is 29 platinum."
"You're too late, we planned the wedding. How on earth can you show up 6 weeks after the request and expect to get paid."
"If you check our forums and the FAQ, you will see we're very busy and cannot always answer requests immediately. My fee will be deducted from your bank account at the end of this session."
"What? Fee for WHAT? The wedding is tomorrow, you have helped us plan nothing!"
"Greetings couple, this is GM Farquard responding in reply to your petition. What seems to be the problem?"
"We petitioned for a wedding planner six weeks ago, this guy shows up and wants to charge us 29 plat for doing nothing?"
"I'm sorry, that is the GM Wedding Planner fee, it should have been deducted from your account."
"No we're saying it *shouldn't* be deducted from our account...he didn't do anything?"
"Ah, I'm sorry happy couple, the problem has been corrected and the 39 platinum fee has been deducted from your account."
"Thirty Nine!??"
*ticket closed*
"Motherrrrrr!!"
Elsbeth glances over, never lifting her finger from it's spot over Deadly Embrace.
"I'm sorry honey, I tried to advise you against hiring a GM as a wedding planner, but you just don't listen. I've told you that both the Qeynos AND the Freeport Business Associations report that the service is at best unreliable and overpriced. Didn't you remember me telling you last year about Bettony and Sassonic Tramsprocket? They ended up with Burst Eyeball Soup for an appetizer and a Troll officiant for their wedding. They're Gnomes for Lucan's sakes... I'd like you to imagine a room full of Gnomes presented with 7' tall Troll preacher and floating black eyeballs in red soup. It was absolute mayhem... those numbskulls charged them 10 plat just for the dinner, even though no one ate a bite and half the guests were sick on the spot."
"She has a point.." remarks Lemonsalot, unwisely. Dragonfly pivots on the spot to fix him with an icy stare. Tameron, sitting behind the groom, quickly gulps the last of his wine and heads for the bar. "Well I was just saying.."
"Well don't."
"I think I've been patient, you know" he continues. "Keep in mind that you have my side of the family creeping through the sewers just to attend our wedding."
"Not just *yours,* Daddy will have to go too, along with Fancy, Rainbow and Paradigm..."
Rainbow breezes by and reaches to place a beverage in front of Dragonfly. "Anything for you, love" she says and winks at Lemon. Making as though she's to continue on, she turns behind Dragon's back and pantomimes pouring something into a drink, rolls her eyes dramatically and heads off towards Timtam, who is sitting on the bar loudly discussing his battle with Chomper, fought from the inside of the fish. Moments later, the Assassin is charmed and following her outside.
"Listen, what about Stormhold? There's a chapel there, no one will have to sneak to it, ok it's not "red" but we can get a few of Tish's lanterns and fix that..."
"Food?"
"Surely we know a provisioner..."
"It'd have to get carted out there..."
"We know more woodworkers and they're all trying to level, how about we just do some totems instead... wedding favor plus health and power at the same time..."
Dragonfly's eyes light up, she rubs Lemon's foot under the table. "Well, they take up a lot of room in the bags, but they are much better...and Skullcrusher can carry quite a bit. You're so smart honey, where'd you get all that intelligence?"
"A ring and this godforsaken fabled armor...why do they put INT stats on it whe-" He changes tracks quickly. "Well really, it must be your buffs, honey..."
"Oh sweetie"
She crawls into his lap and proceeds to nibble at his ears, much to his discomfiture and the amusement of the wedding party. "You know, there's a reason I'm wearing red... "
He turns red.
"... let's go back to your place and um, do some more planning."
They exit out the side door admist snickers and cheers from the people at the bar. Elsbeth switches her icy stare back on, and directs it at Leif, who is boozy with the elven wine and twirling a lock of Mary's hair on the end of his finger. He offers to show her his tattoos. Thomas exchanges a helpless look with Elsbeth that clearly says "Do something, I can only rez..." and she whacks Deadly Embrace. Leif howls and falls out of his chair in flames, Elsbeth steps over his body to give Mary a warm hug and kiss on both cheeks. "Sorry about that, my dear. We'll be going now... it was so nice to see you again. Look forward to tomorrow... the kids have switched it to the chapel at Stormhold...let everyone know. Such a gloomy place. I'd personally suggested Icespire Summit, but some of our guests have faction problems and of course, there's the sharks on the way there... you were wearing the silver gown, yes? Alright, I'll wear my black satin. Safe travels to you."
By this time, Leif is dusting himself off with one hand and sheepishly shaking Thomas's hand with the other. "Sorry chap, she looks so much like Elsbeth, you know, I just got a bit muddly there..." He turns to Elsbeth "Do I have time for one for the road or am I evac'ing us?"
She looks at him and smiles.
"Ah, evac'ing, ok... good night!"
And, poof! They're gone.
Mary and Thomas stay behind to tidy the place up. Off in a corner, Skullcrusher struggles to sit in two chairs set together and Paradigm is offering to let him touch her beard, Rainbow has put on her high elf disguise and has Tameron debuffed and cornered ("Let me show you why they call it Aria of Exaltation..."). Gabriella is showing the bartender how to ignite a row of shots on the bar for dramatic presentation, only, she occasionally loses focus and a bottle behind the bar bursts in a cloud of steam. Fancy and Welf are no where to be found and Timtam is passed out near the jumjum keg. It is looking to be an early morning, and a rough day tomorrow.
posted by Ninibi at
2:11 AM
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